Friends

I'm beginning my plan to put all my time into building relationships with my friends.  I remember being a kid and never feeling like I spent time with friends and that I always wanted to stay in.  I had few friends in high school so it was normal to not go out for months at a time.  While I am introverted, I need a boost like this every once in a while to bring me back to reality.  I'm learning so much about myself, and I love it.  I love my friends.

Lessons for Life

1. Don't put up with someone else's bullshit. And don't fool yourself with your own.
2. Be happy, treat yourself well, and don't defend anything that makes you unhappy.
3. Good friends and family are often the best support system, and you should invest in those relationships.

Life's too short.

Secrets Revisited

The realization that there is nobody with whom I feel I can share my secrets is very disheartening. I spent all morning on the verge of tears, hiding them away in this dark bedroom with the cat nestled into the space next to me. All I can think is that I should have done more last year to fix my problem. Or that I shouldn't have gotten into this in the first place. But that's a regret for which I just don't have room.

I feel guilty for putting these thoughts out into the world, especially somewhere online. Facebook isn't the place, nor Twitter. Someone will see and think this is a cry for help. There are many who wouldn't understand and would probably be hurt that I can't tell them everything. There are people who think they can handle anything, but the fact is that I'm the strong one. I'm the one carrying this around. Sensitive information like this would break them – or our relationship. People are fragile.

I'm not suicidal. It's nothing like that.

I'm thinking of seeing a therapist at school. Just someone who can sit and listen. The sad part is that I don't think there's anything a counselor on campus can legally do to help me. I don't want to seek one elsewhere because that would be through my insurance. I don't want to explain anything to my family about this. But is ten free sessions enough? If not, I'll have to find some other outlet, someone else to listen. And the worst part about the counseling center at school: my symptom isn't on the list of "services." When was the last time that happened to you? That the biggest source of stress in your life can't even legally be addressed by a school-associated therapist? When was the last time you had to seek a specialist for help?

Why do I always feel so alone on holidays, even when the one I love is in the very next room?

There's nobody. 

The Best Thing

About Dexter is that it reminds you that everyone has secrets.

And that usually, someone out there has it worse than you. :)

CFR?

Columbus, OH needs a good music blog. All the ones that were any good got abandoned. Maybe something along the lines of Minneapolis Fucking Rocks --> Columbus Fucking Rocks? Not as cool, no (don't worry, Ian, I wouldn't steal it!).

Ideas? Suggestions? Yes/No? WOULD ANYBODY READ IT?!

Dreams (Passion Pit cover) - The Cranberries

Incredible. Passion Pit just played the best show I've ever seen. It was high-energy the whole way through, the setlist was near perfect [can you please play Seaweed Song next time though? :( ], and I was in the 3rd row. The opening bands were pretty good at getting the energy up for the main act, but the wait was pretty horrible before PP got started. Brahms was only decent. The scrawny-but-veiny 30 year olds are getting old. Not age-wise, but just theme-wise. I need something more original. Tokyo Police Club, on the other hand, will be a new addition to my music library. I decided during the show that I have to do them justice and give their music a good listen rather than the once-over I did when I first heard them. Plus, the cute drummer was making eye contact with the crowd and smiling at us. Adorable.

All-in-all, it was the most engaging show I've been to. Michael Angelakos kept asking if people had birthdays and thanking people for throwing beer cans at them (what was up with that? we want them to come back!). He let us sing all the fun parts and didn't keep asking us, "How are you doing tonight, Austin?!" Michael was also adorable. You really can feel the passion he put into his lyrics and that they're based on his life. It's not acting. It's real-life heart-wrenching love. It was painful and beautiful to watch his expressions. I love that he's let us into his mind through his songs.

But it was one of those could-have-been-pretty-chill concerts where some jerks decide to take off their shirts and "dance" aka get sweat all over everyone within a 5-person radius. Other than the shirtless men, the crowd itself was weird. The demographic I expected just wasn't there. 2 big visible groups that surprised me: (1) high schoolers, and (2) drunk upper class 25+ year olds in platforms and club wear. That doesn't quite sound like the type of people who really listen to PP. Where were you, hipsters? Where was the flannel in 93 degree weather? Where were your fixies?

And where is my lover? These are love songs. Ohio is too far.

Again

I have been considering returning to this blog for the summer. I like the idea of posting links to new music, reviews, or promoting shows in Austin. And maybe even in the Columbus, OH area, since I'm moving there and want to familiarize myself with the venues. I've already been impressed with some of the lineups heading out to Buckeye country this summer & fall. Poor Ryan will have to see Fiery Furnaces by himself up there next week, but I can't feel too bad for him when I'm in the same boat for Passion Pit at Stubb's for next Friday. Want to come along? Sorry if you don't already have tickets because they're sold out. Craigslist maybe?

Recent addictions:
-Plants vs. Zombies
-Greek yoghurt (strange and delicious)
-Getting paid
-Spontaneously applying to jobs at Ohio State (I NEED FUNDING! HELP!)
-Heroes (Netflix's technical difficulties today nearly made my head explode)
-Staying at Bennu's way too long
-Cat sitting (do I have to give them back? I'll be so alone... kitty-napping doesn't sound as accurate as kidnapping does. hmm.)

I also think it would be a good idea to blog for prospective students for prospective students for my Master's program. I think I'll propose that idea to the department and have a couple current students blog about daily life. I read one for another school before I went to interviews, and it really helped me get a feel for the cohort and the lifestyles of their students. Don't steal my ideas. This idea © Jen Skidmore's brain, Saturday 6/12/10, 12:12 AM Central Time Zone.

Passion Pit - Little Secrets